Some people might think I regret my time in the Army. Truth is, I don’t. I volunteered, reenlisted, and if my body held up, I’d still be in. I even loved the deployments—the rush, the purpose, the brotherhood. But I didn’t join to serve a noble cause. I joined to escape.
I’d like to say I was a born patriot. Joined the army to defend my country. Reality is, I was running from problems.
In a lot of ways the army saved my life. I didn’t have a lot of positive things going in my life when I joined. I was on the death or jail route. At the time it was an escape and something to make my Mom proud. My rational was no matter how far off the rails I went. She could say at least he served.
Joining and seeing the 3rd world, seeing a country either 1st or 2nd world prior to shock and awe, and bringing that perspective back home made me appreciative. Appreciative of the lucky dice roll I had being born in North America.
But that appreciation sometimes turns into guilt. I’ve seen how bad life can get—people who don’t get a choice, who live with nothing and still push forward. I was lucky, just by being born where I was. And sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted that luck. I’ve had opportunities they never will, and for a long time, I was too busy chasing chaos to see it. So when my problems start to feel heavy, I try to remind myself: things could be worse. I know that firsthand. And I try to be grateful.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to grow in life. To start my journey in one place and have the option to succeed or fail. I’m appreciative of the fact my children can grow up to be anything they want to be. When I was young I believed I could be anything I wanted to be. I would have to work hard, make the right decisions, and perhaps make some sacrifices; but I was free to make those decisions. That’s not the reality for a lot of people in the world.
I wasn’t exactly making the most of my opportunities. I was busy reveling in chaos. The military gave me some discipline. A little order to my chaos. I got the chance to work with some of the best men I’ve ever known. I’m a member of the infantry brotherhood. Saying I made some friends would be a shameful understatement. It gave me the opportunity to get an education without the debt. It gave me the opportunity to meet my wife, and start my family.
I can’t say where I’d be if I hadn’t joined. Probably dead or locked up. Instead, I got to serve with incredible people, build a family, and find something close to peace. I never saw this life coming—but I’m damn grateful for it.
Life after door kicking. 