The most solid thing I had in this world is gone. With it everything else is shaking beneath my feet as well. The thing I had turned all my focus on, that I had dedicated all my attention to is now crumbling before my eyes. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to turn to. Even the roof over my head is questionable at this point. All I can do is wake up and do the best I can with what the day offers me. Which at this point isn’t much to inspire. I am though. Going through what feels justified in classifying as a tragedy I drag myself to each day with the energy of a zombie, plastering a fake smile on as much as I can. I soldier on because that’s all I know how to do. I have reached out for help. That call is going pretty unheeded at this point. Supposedly somebody will get back to me. With a government beauracracy that seems ever unlikely. I have found a little solace in the pen and pad that used to so fully consume my life. In some ways it’s also like pouring salt on a wound. This cocoon I’ve used to become semi recluse has betrayed me in the most unforgivable way. Being at odds with myself has put me there with everyone else. I wanted to be left alone. It looks like now I will be.