Category: MH
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Light on the work tight in the shield.
I think I’ve done it. I may have retreated so far within myself I’ve turned inside out and am unravelling. Plateaued has probably been my status these last few months. I’ve been noncommittally excercising. Trying to rebuild my muscles waiting for muscle memory to reinforce the motion my nerves are fighting against. I’ll say it’s…
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Tips On How To Smile.
“Dad doesnt ever smile laugh or play with me.” “My oldest son around 7 years old” “Living with someone with PTSD you never see them smile.” “My wife” I’ve felt like this so long, I can’t really remember feeling any other way. A huge portion of my life I’m on autopilot. Maybe it’s the training.…
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Now what?
Since I got out the army my family has noticed I’m fairly good at maintaining my situational awareness. When I go places I pay attention for exits, I evaluate the threat capacity of all my fellow patrons, and I sit with my back to the wall so I have best field of vision. Doing so…
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The sun hasn’t set.
Just wanted to put a little note out. Let people know I’m doing well. My recovery from my recent accident has been amazing. For those of you who were unaware, I recently mangled the 3 vertebrae at the top of my back. I underwent a spinal fusion. After a few weeks I went from the…
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Stay busy my friends.
Idle minds are breeding grounds for misery. It’s best not to overthink this. Life is for the most part blunt and straightforward. Sometimes we’re searching for meaning that just isn’t there. We start to attribute things that are irrelevant memory fails and the subconscious fills the holes. Other times the subtext is all there reeking…
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What am I here for
As I lay in this hospital bed, having survived another experience that could have been my last, I teeter back and forth between a few feelings. On the one hand I am extremely grateful. I managed to survive a broken spine. Sounds crazy to me as I write it. I broke my spine and walked…
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Freefalling
Freeeeeeeeeee freefalling. Feeling scary good. Sometimes I just have to walk away. I’m not the biggest or baddest guy, but I can have a bit of a temper. I have lost a fight or two or three. Didn’t preclude four or five or six. Over the years, I have realized there comes a point in…
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Losing touch.
I am a pretty guarded person. It’s easy for me to keep everyone at arms reach. I’m not sure why. Maybe I am. I don’t think I mean to do it. Maybe forgetting people is easier than missing them. Every now and then I realize how out of touch I am with everybody. So I…
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Life after door kicking. 